


Kyle's Boomin Return

by KPesh123



Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [20]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Politics, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, American Politics, Bad Writing, Best Friends, Binge Drinking, Childhood Friends, College, Comedy, Comedy of Errors, Communism, Dark Comedy, Drinking, Excessive Drinking, Friendship, Fucking, Future, Good Writing, Guns, Heavy Drinking, Late Night Writing, Marijuana, Orgy, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Other, Party, Partying, Past, Politics, President Donald Trump, Return, Sex, Shooting Guns, Smoking, Time Travel, Tragedy/Comedy, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, War, Writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:22:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26376451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KPesh123/pseuds/KPesh123
Summary: The summer was over for Kyle and The Boys.  Dealing with regret The Boys go back in time to warn their former selves about the decisions they make.  The boys wind up reliving a certain incident.
Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867981





	Kyle's Boomin Return

**Author's Note:**

> I'm now writing new material for Kyle's Boomin' Adventures. Please read my other material. I revisit my first work Kyle's Boomin' Story for this piece.

Kyle’s Boomin Return

Summer was over for the boys. Although Kyle had almost four months off to do whatever he pleased, the summer flew by fast. The boys noticed that when classes moved online at the beginning of the Coronavirus Pandemic, time moved slower than a sloth fucking a snail. That rapidly changed once classes ended however. With school starting up again, all the boys were depressed.

Although the Coronavirus was almost gone by this point, the colleges still didn’t reopen. The boys were left to do dreaded online classes yet again, starting up a continuous cycle of misery which they thought was over. Not just colleges refused to open up, politicians such as New Jersey’s governor did everything in their path to not reopen the state, tanking the economy and killing small businesses. Walking into another economic depression, the civilians could do nothing but wait. In a break between classes, Kyle called the boys.

“This is fucking bullshit.” Kyle hissed. “It’s only been three weeks and I’m about to trash my room.”

“What happened?” Nick asked. 

“Apparently I was put into the wrong online book for my Spanish class. All the homework assignments are now late and I have three hours worth of shit to make up.” Kyle explained. 

“Spanish is a retarded subject, why do you even take that?” Malcolm asked.

“The school forces me to!” Kyle yelled. “They don’t want to look xenophobic so they force us to take three semesters worth of language classes. This wastes both our time and our money, also killing our GPA.” 

“That’s just fucking sad.” Jon commented. 

“These fucking classes are so stupid. I am gaining nothing from taking these.” Nick stated.

“Yea, honestly it’s getting in the way of a possible thriving art career I could be pursuing.” Gianni added. 

“College is a waste of time.” Mark stated. “That’s why I’m apprenticing an electrician. I make money while learning and eventually I make bank fixing people's televisions.”

“I’m so jealous of you honestly.” Kyle said. “I wish I took that route. I’d already be making bank instead of sitting here wasting money while I get lectured about how Trump doesn’t know history. That has nothing to do with the class mind you.” 

“Yea college is fucked man.” Malcolm stated. “That’s why I’m just gonna weld and work in construction.” 

“If only we could go back in time again and tell ourselves not to go down this shitty path of indoctrination.” Nick said. 

“That would be great.” Kyle responded. 

A few days went by. The boys were busy with their various endeavors. It was a Thursday afternoon and Kyle was working on useless Spanish homework. Kyle was pissed off because the online assignments had nothing to do with the lesson taught in class. While Kyle was fuming, he heard a knock on the door. Kyle went downstairs and answered it. He opened the door to find Malcolm standing with a giant grin on his face. 

“What the fuck are you so happy about?” Kyle asked.

“Remember our conversation a few days ago?” Malcolm asked.

“Which one? The one about how you got a blowjob from a dude or the one about why college sucks ass?” 

“The college one. Can I come in?” 

“Sure.”

The two went into Kyle’s back deck. Since it was such a nice day they decided to crack open a few beers and talk outside. Kyle hated the fact that once school started he had to be forced inside his house watching a bunch of jackasses on a computer screen when he could be outside enjoying what’s left of the good weather. Malcolm got to talking. 

“Remember how you said you wanted to go back in time and tell your former self not to go to college but rather you get a job in a useful trade?” Malcolm asked.

“Yeah?” Kyle responded. 

“Remember in April when we went back in time to try and stop Covid?” 

“Oh shit yea! I forgot.” 

“Well look what I found cleaning out my basement.” 

Malcolm held up the old time travel device which the boys used to go into the past. The device had grown old in a matter of five months, collecting dust and getting pushed around a poorly lit basement. Kyle’s face brightened.

“We gotta get the guys together tomorrow night when we’re all free. This is huge.” Kyle said.

The boys gathered on Kyle’s back deck not knowing what the meeting was about. Beers were cracked open as well as vapes. Everyone was talking about their shit week when Kyle got their attention.

“Yo so like why are we all here?” Jay asked.

“Remember how we talked about going back in time to stop ourselves from making poor decisions?” Kyle asked.

“Yea?” The boys responded.

“Check this shit out!” Kyle shouted. 

Kyle dropped the time travel device onto the table. The boys looked in shock, as if they completely forgot about the adventure they had traveling through time. Kyle dusted the machine off and pressed the center button turning it on. Malcolm moved it to the ground.

“We really gonna do this again?” Jon asked. 

“Fuck yea I’m down! Blast to the fucking past baby!” Mark yelled. 

“Hell yea let’s get on!” Nick shouted. 

The boys jumped onto the platform. Kyle pressed the center button and out of nowhere the boys were engulfed in a blue forcefield. The forcefield collapsed and the boys were yet again traveling through a tunnel of history. The tunnel ended and the boys jumped out into a forest in the middle of winter. All of them came out one at a time, falling on each other along the way. The boys got up and looked around. They started to shiver since it was night time in the winter. Not knowing where to go, the boys started one way. After five minutes of walking, they found lights in the distance. Wanting to get inside and figure out where they were, the boys ran in that direction. Once they reached the building, the boys stopped and looked up. 

“Where the fuck are we?” Jay asked.

“I feel like I’ve been here before.” Gianni commented.

“Yea this place does seem familiar doesn’t it.” Jon added. 

“Same here.” Malcolm said.

“Damn where could we actually be?” Mark asked.

“I know exactly where we are.” Kyle said dramatically. 

“Where?” Nick asked.

“My fucking school.” Kyle responded. 

“How do you know?” Mark asked. 

“This is my old dorm building. Hell look up.” 

The boys looked up to find Kyle’s old dorm window on the third floor. One at a time the boys climbed a tree closest to Kyle’s window. Luckily there was a branch big enough for all of them to sit on and look inside Kyle’s old dorm. In the dorm was Kyle alone. He had a beer open and was watching a Danny Mullen video where he was picking up girls while high. The boys looked fascinated. 

“Wait why did this thing bring us here?” Gianni asked. “Weren’t we supposed to go back further?” 

“We probably should’ve put in a date before we left shouldn’t we.” Malcolm said.

“Yea that would’ve been smart.” Jon responded.

“Jesus Kyle you look so depressed here.” Nick said.

“Well no shit, I was in the middle of a fucked part of my life.” Kyle stated. “I think I remember this actually. I think it might be the Wank Bang Incident!” 

“Oh fuck.” Jon commented. 

At that moment Past Kyle got a loud knock on his door. The boys looked in awe as the events played out. Past Gianni, Malcolm, Jon, and Chris were standing at the door frantically. 

“Oh goddamnit why the fuck are you retards here, what the fuck do you possibly want that you drove all the way up here unannounced?” Past Kyle asked annoyed. 

“Kyle this is serious we need your help!” Exclaimed Past Jon.

“The last time you guys came to me for something serious you wanted me to help Malcolm get his dildo out of his dad's ass.” 

“No this is actually fucked, I’m really in some deep shit this time.” Said Past Malcolm, petrified out of his mind.

“What the fuck is it now?” 

“I bought too much fat beastiality porn without realizing that I gave all my money to a financial dominatrix last month, Wank Bang is after me man!” Shouted Past Malcolm. 

“Did you really have to shout that the entire hall is looking at us now.” Past Kyle asked disappointedly.

Mark, Nick, and Jay turned to look at Malcolm. Malcolm looked straight ahead not saying a word trying to avoid the situation. Kyle, Jon, and Gianni looked in disappointment knowing full well what would happen to them and why it did. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you Malcolm.” Jay said. 

“It was a different time guys.” Malcolm said, trying to defend himself.

“Guys shut the fuck up, I’m watching this play out.” Kyle said. 

The boys looked in the room watching the past crew sit in silence. Kyle remembered it perfectly. They didn’t know if Wank Bang was going to get them so the crew sat in Kyle’s dorm petrified out of their minds. The boys then heard dog noises coming from the next room. 

“Bro this dude over here is getting some pussy.” Jay commented.

“That won’t last long.” Kyle said. 

“What do you mean?” Jay asked. 

“Hey Google what time is it!” Shouted Past Fagnus.

“It’s currently 7:45.” The Google Home responded.

“Fuck yea I told you I could last longer than five seconds! This time it was for a minute!” Shouted Past Fagnus with glee. 

“Wait you came already? I didn’t even think you were hard, I couldn’t feel a thing!” The girl said in shock. 

“FUCK!!!!” 

“Oh.” Jay said.

The boys continued to watch the events unfold before their very eyes. Another few minutes went by where the past crew sat tensley in Kyle’s old dorm. The boys started to get bored as well. When there was a loud bang on the door even the boys were startled by it. 

“It’s alright it’s just Nancy Drew.” Kyle stated. 

“Hey boomer.” Past Nancy chimed excitedly.

“Now’s not a good time.” Past Kyle said. 

“I’ve got big news, remember how I was talking about selling foot pics for money? I’ve started to do that! I already made at least $200 in the last hour!”

“Holy shit Nancy is an Only Fans girl?!” Jay asked shocked. 

“Nah, she tried but that didn’t take off. Remember the Shen Yun incident?” Kyle responded. 

“Oh yea.” Jay responded. 

“Nancy fuck off.” Past Kyle shouted, slamming the door in her face turning to Malcolm. “Don’t you get any ideas you autistic fuck!”

“Did you Malcolm?” Mark asked.

“Fuck no, I had Leah.” Malcolm responded.

“Remember Malcolm likes them fat.” Jon commented. 

The boys went back to looking in the dorm. A few hours went by and nothing was out of the ordinary. Past Nancy was crying outside the door for about ten minutes after the foot pic incident but she eventually scurried off. The atmosphere was starting to grow calmer since no one had come for them yet. The boys started to be more lax. Past Kyle gave them some beers and they started to have a good time. 

“Hey since this is college, are there any parties we can go to? I mean if these guys don’t know Malcolm is up here and if they did, the last place they would look would be a crowded party. Am I right?” Past Gianni told the group. 

“Are you kidding? A Saturday Night here is more dead than Bernie Sanders’s sex life. Legit nothing goes on here Saturday nights. Friday nights shit goes down but that’s nothing huge. Anyways they don’t want me there anyway.” Past Kyle explained to the group. 

“So we are just going to sit here all night? Won’t we get bored?” Past Malcolm asked. 

“Hey we got beer and a smart tv, we can watch almost anything and get really drunk tonight.” 

“Bet.”

Past Kyle distributed the beers and proceeded to put on South Park and Nelk videos. Everything seemed to get calmer and once again the boys outside started to get bored. 

“Wait a minute, how come they are getting fucked up right now and we aren’t?” Mark asked. 

“It’s best we don’t.” Jon respoonded.

“Yea there is going to be a loud knock coming now.” Malcolm predicted. 

“Malcolm open the fuck up we know you’re in there!” Shouted a grimacing voice from the door. 

“We should get down now.” Gianni said. 

“Why’s that?” Nick asked. 

“This is why.” Jon said pointing at the past crew jumping onto the very tree they were sitting on.

The past crew collided with the boys. All of them falling hard onto the ground. The past crew looked at the boys in utter confusion. One minute they were getting chased by porn henchmen, now they were looking at their future selves. It looked like the meme template where the two Spidermen were looking at each other. 

“Who the fuck are you?!” Past Kyle shouted. 

“Don’t worry we’re you from the future.” Kyle said.

“What the fuck is going on?!” Past Malcolm asked frantically. 

“It’s a long story my guy.” Malcolm responded.

“What the fuck are you guys doing here?” Past Jon asked. 

“Long story short, we’re trying to go further back in time and got stuck here.” Jon explained.

“How the fuck did you get here though?” Past Gianni asked. 

“You guys will find a time travel device in April.” Gianni answered.

“Wait why the fuck am I with Mark and who the fuck are you?” Past Kyle asked Jay.

“You go to Malcolm’s birthday party in a month and we settle our differences there. By the way I know you hate me but we’ll get past that.” Mark informed. 

“We meet at that party. I’m Jay” 

“Wait where am I?” Past Chris asked. “Am I dead?!” 

“No, you just get pretty tied up with your girl.” Gianni responded. 

“God fucking damnit.” Past Chris responded. 

“Okay we gotta go but a word of advice. Don’t go to any houses around here, just don’t. It makes the situation worse. Also Kyle, shit seems rough now but go to Malcolm’s birthday party.” Kyle explained. 

“Also that Coronavirus thing y’all laugh at, that hits big.” Mark stated.

“Wait what?!” Past Malcolm asked. 

“Yea it becomes a global pandemic.” Nick commented.

“You’re kidding. That’s impossible.” Past Jon said dumbfounded. 

“Hey!” A porn henchman shouted from Kyle’s window. 

“Alright get the fuck out of town now! And Kyle, it gets better.” Kyle said. 

With that the past crew ran into the woods while the boys jumped onto the time travel device. The henchmen started shooting at the boys while they were being engulfed by the forcefield. Luckily the boys disappeared just in time when the henchmen approached. The boys landed quickly in what seemed to be the same night at a tennis pavilion. 

“Jesus Christ why can’t we get back?” Malcolm asked. 

“This thing might be short circuiting or something.” Jon commented. “I’ll try to fix it.”

“Bet while you do that, Imma go light a joint on that pavilion over there.” Mark said.

“I wouldn’t do that.” Gianni informed. 

“Why?” 

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Nick shouted at the top of his lungs. 

Nick, Jay, and Mark looked in horror at the massive orgy taking place on the pavilion. Name any position possible it was being done. There was man on woman action, man on man action, woman on woman action, there might’ve been a few animals involved. In the middle of the naked sweaty cluster fuck, there was one man standing, cock out, jerking off to all of it as he coached the orgy. He would tell each person what position to do with one hand and stroke furiously with another. The man, not much older than the boys, saw them. He immediately looked into each of their souls and stroked even harder. He must’ve been turned on by the fact that he had an audience of cucks watching.

Kyle, Gianni, Malcolm, and Jon expected this. They slowly walked up to greet the unfathomable site yet again. The orgy was the most disgusting site Kyle had ever seen, he unfortunately had to witness it all over again. Mark and Jay were having none of it however. 

“Yo fuck you queer assholes!” Mark shouted, taking out a machine gun.

Mark and Jay proceeded to mow down the entire orgy to the point that they were unrecognizable. The tennis court pavilion had become a pool of blood, a spot of mass murder. The boys looked at Jon. 

“Is it fixed yet?” Jay asked. 

“Yea it is, hop on fuckers.” Jon responded.

The boys jumped onto the time travel device. With their date set as the current day, they pressed the button taking them back into the tunnel. The tunnel brought them back right where they were in the middle of the day. The boys fell onto Kyle’s deck, hitting each other along the way. The boys went into Kyle’s kitchen and grabbed a few beers, needing to unwind after a stressful situation. The boys then proceeded into Kyle’s living room where they turned on the television. They wanted to watch something funny such as Family Guy, instead they were greeted with the news. 

“Bernie Sanders has created the new Democratic Socialist Party and is declaring war on the United States.” The news anchor said. 

“Oh god fucking damnit.” Jon commented. 

“What the fuck did we do that caused this?” Malcolm asked.

“This old fuck won’t go away!” Kyle shouted. 

“Maybe it won’t be that bad. Bernie is frail as fuck and his followers are pussies from college campuses. First off he’s going up against fucking Donald Trump, that’s like a gazele attacking a lion. Secondly the United States already sinks so much money into the military. I think we’ll be fine.” Mark explained. 

“Oh yea?” Kyle asked. “Let’s see about that.” 

Kyle put the time travel disk into the floor and set a date for five years into the future. The boys hopped on and pressed the button. The vortex brought them into the tunnel which showed graphic images of the war that would ensue. The tunnel had them land in Kyle’s bedroom. The house looked the same, with the exception that the shades were closed. The boys went downstairs to find their future selves sitting in the living room watching the news with guns. The future boys were dressed like Army soldiers, wearing camo and holding machine guns. The news company Communist News Network was providing propaganda which the future boys looked at in disgust. 

The boys went back upstairs and looked outside Kyle’s bedroom window. The world was a war zone. Houses boarded up, bomb craters and bullet holes everywhere. The Communist Police patrolled the streets, rationing foods and other resources. Kyle went to the desktop and looked up what happened. 

As it turned out, China backed Bernie in the war giving leverage. The war was a standoff for a few years until both Bernie and Trump died off. With no president, Nancy Drew came to power, making Kyle’s roommate and the Boof Brigade her cabinet. Nancy always wanted to be a dictator, she succeeded, destroying America and plunging the world into chaos. 

“What fucking assholes.” Nick commented.

“Dude, fuck those commie pricks.” Mark said.

“I’m low key thinking of just marching down there just to tell her to fuck off.” Kyle contemplated.

“That would be a bit hard with the constant surveillance. What if we went back in time and stopped ourselves from doing what we did?” Jon pondered.

“But what did we do though?” Gianni asked. 

“It says here that the famous porn company Wank Bang aided the Chinese. Nancy Drew became popular there thus giving her a platform.” Kyle said reading the article.

“So you mean we needed to go through that Wank Bang shit?” Malcolm asked.

“Alright let’s go. I’ll set us up so we get there before we originally did.” Jon said.

The boys jumped onto the time travel device yet again and set the date for the night of the Wank Bang Incident, only a few minutes before the boys originally got there. The time was set and the boys were off. The tunnel led them to the same spot only earlier. Past Kyle was in his dorm drinking a beer watching Danny Mullen again. The boys were in the right spot. 

“What’s our plan?” Nick asked.

“Leave this to us.” Jay responded. 

The original boys landed in the forest. Mark and Jay took out their guns and hunted out the area. The original boys approached the building when Mark and Jay jumped out with their guns. 

“GET THE FUCK BACK IN YOU’RE TIME ZONE!!!” Mark shouted.

“DON’T MAKE ME FUCKING CAP YOU’RE ASS!” Jay yelled. 

“What the fuck?!” Original Malcolm shouted. “What are you talking about?!” 

“NEVERMIND THAT GET THE FUCK IN!!!” Mark shouted, shooting Original Malcolm in the leg. 

“Fine! Jesus!” Original Kyle said getting the crew onto their device. 

The original boys pressed their button and left. The boys waited as they knew what would come next. Slowly but surely their matter started to break down as they disintegrated into nothing. 

“This actually feels really good on my dick.” Malcolm commented before getting completely disintegrated.

The boys landed into their original bodies back on Kyle’s deck. Kyle looked at the time to find that they landed a minute before they left for the first time. The boys looked around each other confused. 

“Wait so we survive?” Gianni asked.

“It looks like our souls were placed back into our original bodies.” Mark commented.

“How does that work though? That makes absolutely no sense.” Nick started.

“I have no clue, scientifically we should not be alive in this time line, but fuck it I gave up on reality many adventures ago. Let’s just be glad we’re alive.” Jon said.

“Bet let’s get fucked.” Jay responded.

With that the boys opened Kyle’s refrigerator and finished all the beers that were in there. Once they were drunk, the boys ordered sushi and scarffed their faces until they passed out in Kyle’s sunroom. The boys had been to the past and the future, saving the world from great danger.

I hope you enjoyed my boomin’ return. I’m back fuckers. 

  
  



End file.
